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The ego is subtle, its ways are subtle, its working is very complex. It is a puzzle, and a puzzle that cannot be solved– that can only be seen through and through, but cannot be solved. There is no solution for it. Because the puzzle is not anything accidental to the ego. Ego itself is the puzzle. If it were accidental, then there would be a way to solve it. Ego itself is the puzzle, it is its nature to be puzzling.

So all the efforts that are made to solve it make it more complex, make it more difficult. If you fight with it, you are fighting with yourself. There can never be any victory, you cannot defeat it by fighting. Because by fighting you will be dividing yourself into two– the fighter and the fought. And from where will you bring the fought? It will be just ego dividing into two parts, playing the game of fight. Sometimes one part can pretend to win, sometimes the other part can pretend to win, nobody ever wins. The struggle becomes infinite and meanwhile energy is dissipated, meanwhile life is wasted.

Remember, you cannot fight the ego. Can you repress it? People have done that too. It has not helped. If you repress the ego, it goes deeper into your being. Rather than getting rid of it, you become more and more poisoned by it, because what will you do when you repress? You will force it into the unconscious; it will start going underground. But the unconscious is far more powerful than the conscious.

Ego in the conscious has not much power. Once it enters into the unconscious it becomes nine times more powerful than it was before. Rather than getting rid of it, you will be more and more in its control. And one thing more: once the ego has become unconscious, you don't know anything about it. It has gone behind you. Now you cannot even watch it. Now you are completely a victim. Now you cannot protect yourself against it. Now you cannot make any arrangements to save yourself from it. It is there pulling your strings from behind. You will become a puppet, and you will be in the hands of the ego. And you were thinking that you had repressed it.

Fight does not help, repression does not help. Then the third thing that has been tried down the ages is sublimation. Sublimate it– let it be identified with higher goals. Then it becomes very decorated, it becomes enthroned. And naturally it again becomes very powerful. Identify it with your church, identify it with your country, identify it with your colour, identify it with ideology– socialism, communism, fascism, Christianity, Hinduism. Identify it with some high value, some utopian value, or you can even identify it with God. Then it rules suprememost. Then it rules in the name of God. God is just an excuse. The real sovereign becomes the ego.

And these are the three available ways: either fight or repress or sublimate. And nothing helps. Nothing can help because by its very nature the ego is such that solutions are not possible.

I have heard...

A mother is standing in a toy shop, and she says 'Isn't this a rather complicated toy for a small child?'
The toy salesman says 'This, Madam, is an educational toy, specially designed to adjust a child to live in the world of today: no matter which way he puts it together, it's always wrong.'

And that's how the ego is. No way will ever bring you out of it. There is no remedy. To see it, is to be on the right path. To see the complexity, the riddling nature of the ego, the puzzling nature of the ego, to comprehend it in its totality, is the beginning of wisdom. Otherwise it will come, and it will come in more subtle forms, and you will be deceived far more deeply.

The religious, the so-called religious person is deceived by it, because it comes hiding behind religious curtains. Sometimes it becomes humbleness, sometimes it becomes humility. Sometimes it can even pretend egolessness: it can say 'I am absolutely egoless.' And it is there, and now it has protected itself perfectly. You will not even suspect its existence.

Watch the so-called religious people, and you will see a great game of the ego. The ego is there. It has become pious. But when the ego becomes pious it becomes more poisonous. It is pious poison. It corrupts you deeply.

The ordinary gross ego is not such a big problem. You can see it, it is there. Even the person who is its victim knows it is there– the disease is known. But when it becomes pious, takes religious garb, then even the victim is unaware. He lives in its imprisonment and thinks that he is free.

Start finding a remedy and you will be in more and more trouble. Why?– because most remedies are imposed. Why most? All remedies are imposed. You find them from somewhere outside, you find the clues from somebody else. You see a Buddha. He looks so humble– he is. His humbleness is there. You see his face, his simplicity, his utter innocence, and a clue is found– maybe this is the way to get rid of the ego. This is not the way! It is a consequence, something has happened in him which has made him egoless. You cannot copy his behaviour and become egoless. Copying the behaviour will simply make you a carbon copy. The ego will not disappear. You can eat the same food Buddha takes; you can walk the same way Buddha walks; you can imitate him perfectly. You can become very skillful in imitation, and still the ego will be there, because there is no way to see what has happened in Buddha's innermost core. All that you can watch is behaviour.

That's why a certain school of psychologists, the behaviourists, go on saying that there is no soul in man; man is only behaviour. They are following a certain logic. The logic is that only the behaviour can be watched, observed. The soul has never been watched, never has been observed; nobody has seen it! Then how to accept that it exists? Anything that exists must be seen. Only that which is seen exists. Have you ever seen anybody's soul? All that you see is his behaviour, and still you know that your behaviour is not you. But that is inner, an introspection. Inside you know 'My behaviour is not me' because many times the behaviour is there, and you are totally different from the behaviour. You see a man coming to your house and you smile, and you know that you are not smiling. That smile is false, just polite, just part of etiquette. You have to smile, so you smile– but deep down there is no smile.

Now from the outside you are smiling: that is your behaviour; the behaviourist is finished there. But from the inner you are not smiling at all: that is your soul, that is you, the more real you, not just a show, but authentically you. You go on doing a thousand and one things on the outside, and the inside may be different, may be far more different, may even be the polar opposite to your behaviour. But this is introspection, it cannot be an objective observation.

You look at the Buddha, you watch his behaviour. From his behaviour you start taking cues. You see Jesus, you watch, you start taking notes in your mind: This is the way to sit, this is the way to stand, this is the way to walk, this is the way to sleep and eat... and these are the things to eat. This is how Jesus prays– on his knees– so you kneel down. These are the words that Jesus speaks when he prays. He looks at the sky and says 'Father, Abba. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done...' And you say 'So I know prayer.' You can kneel down... Millions of people kneel down every morning, every night all around the globe, and they repeat the same words that Jesus said 'Abba, give us our daily bread.' And they go on repeating, and nothing happens. Millions of people who pray are simply wasting their time, because it is pretension, it is not prayer. They have learned a behaviour, but their soul is not in prayer. And the question is not how to pray, the question is not what to pray.

Just the other night Gramya was telling me that since she has become a sannyasin, she does not know whom she is praying to, but the prayer is there. Now she was a little puzzled. She asked me '... whether I am praying to God, or I am praying to you, Bhagwan, or to whom? I don't know anything about God now.'

And I told her 'This is a far better prayer– vague, cloudy, but more alive.' Now the prayer is not addressed to anybody in particular. It is not even addressed to God, so how can it be addressed to the Christian God? It is unaddressed. It is simply an overflow of joy, thankfulness, gratitude– gratitude to the whole, to the total. It is a kind of thankfulness. Now it will not matter much what words you use, or whether you use words at all. Silence will do, sometimes gibberish will do– what Christians call 'talking in tongues'– that will do. That will be far better. Sometimes just enjoying sounds like a small child– 'ga ga'– that will do. The whole question is of the prayerful attitude, the inner quality of prayer, that you are surrendered, that you are no more separate from the whole.

Now this remedy cannot be imposed from the outside, otherwise you will be simply doing empty postures, empty gestures– perfect from the outside and not at all breathing from the inside, not at all vital and alive. Prayer is a state, not a ritual. Prayer is a state of inner silence, humbleness, love, gratitude, surrender, let-go. It has nothing to do with the outer formulations of it.

But all remedies come from the outside. And people go on changing remedies. One fails, they immediately jump to another; that fails, they go on– from one guru to another guru, from one remedy to another remedy, from one scripture to another scripture, from one temple to another temple– they go on and on. And not seeing the real fact: that no remedy is possible, that no remedy exists, that to search for the remedy is to search in vain. And why? Because remedies are imposed from the outside, either by somebody else or by yourself. And whatsoever is imposed from the outside is an intrusion, interference on your natural being– intrusion on your natural self. They are manipulations.

That creates three selves where previously there was only one self. Previously there was only one ego. If you use some remedy, there will be three egos. You have multiplied the problem, you have made it more difficult. Now it will be far more impossible for you to get out of it. And if you bring another remedy, you will have nine egos instead of three. Each remedy will bring three egos instead of one. People have used many remedies, and they have become many egos.

Mahavir has used the right word for it. He calls man bahucittavān– polypsychic; man is not one mind but many minds. And that is the research of the modern psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, psychologist, too. Man is polypsychic. It is not one ego that you are carrying inside, you are carrying many egos. Egos upon egos– they are standing in a queue, they are surrounding you from every side, they are like a crowd. You are lost in the crowd, you don't know who you are, because there are so many pretenders around you who say 'This is you. I am you. Where are you looking? I am your self.' Every desire, every fragment of your mind claims to be the master, and that's how your slavery is created.

Each remedy brings three egos into your being instead of one. How does it happen? In accepting a remedy you become the one who you are plus the one who is helping you become other than the one who you are, plus the one who you hope to become. The one that you were, now the goal that you want to become egoless, and the remedy, the help that you are using to try and pull yourself towards the goal: you are divided in three.

And this division is not going to help, it will confuse you, it will make you more and more dull, insensitive, insane, neurotic, schizophrenic. The remedy proves far more dangerous than the disease itself.

So the first thing to be understood: the ego is the basic problem that anybody who is searching for his real self has to face. Now, it cannot be countered by anything outside. No remedy is going to help, no medicine is going to help, no method is going to help. Then isn't there any way to get out of it?

There is a way, but it cannot be imposed from the outside. And the way is not like a remedy, the way is clarity, transparency, to look through and through, to watch how the ego functions, to see its subtle games. You throw it out from the front door and it has come back from the back door. You throw it from one side, it starts imposing itself from another side. You think you have got rid of it, suddenly you find it is there sitting inside.

So without any condemnation, the ego has to be looked into through and through, with no idea that you want to drop it. That conclusion will be a hindrance. That conclusion means you have decided before you have looked into it. So go into the ego with no conclusion, with no idea of what you want to do: with just one idea– that you would like to understand this mystery of the ego, what it is. All the religions say it is the hindrance, all the great Masters say it has to be got rid of, all the mystics say nothing is barring your path except your ego. But you don't know what this ego is.

So, first thing: go innocently into it. Just watch its ways; its ways are very mechanical. The first thing that you will come across is its mechanicalness. The ego is not an organic whole, it is mechanical because it consists of the dead past. Your ego consists of your past. And if sometimes your ego thinks of the future, that too is nothing but the projection of the past and from the past– maybe a little modified, sophisticated, decorated, but it is the same thing. You desire the same pleasures that you have had in the past. Of course you hope to make them a little better. Your past goes on projecting itself into the future, and the past is dead, the past is just memory– and that's all that ego consists of.

So the first experience, if you go into the ego without any conclusion, will be this: you will be able to see that it is mechanical. And you are an organic unity! You are an alive phenomenon and ego is dead, and the dead is ruling the alive. That's why people look so heavy, dragging. Their life seems to be nothing but a long story of boredom, monotony. It is not the quality of life– boredom is not the quality of life– boredom is there because life is too burdened by death, life is too burdened by the dead. And the grave goes on becoming bigger and bigger, and life is encroached from every side.

The first experience, and a great revealing experience it is, is to see that ego is your past, it is not your present. Ego is never found in the present. If you go into it you will be surprised. Right at this moment, if you go into yourself, you will not find any ego. And if you do find, they will just be fragments from the past floating in the present consciousness. The present consciousness is always egoless, and that is your reality. But the past consciousness, which is not consciousness at all but memory, is dead– and that's what your ego consists of. Your nation, your family, your education, your experiences, your certificates– all that is no more there. It has gone down the drain, it exists not, but it goes on influencing your mind. It can destroy your whole life.

I have heard a future story...

Male Robot: 'Hello I64259.'
Female Robot: 'You can call me I64 if you like. I'm sorry I'm a bit late but I was screwing on a new face.'
Male Robot: 'That's A OK, I was a bit late too. I blew a sprocket.'
Female Robot: 'How nasty!'
Male Robot: 'Might have been worse... I thought my big end had gone. My own fault, though. I went out last night and got oiled.'
Female Robot: 'Still you'd better go down to the garage for a check-up. You might have a dirty sparking plug. I've some trouble too... My employers programmed me to do the wages but I gave out the horse racing results... I've got a new operator now.'
Male Robot: 'Was the other one sacked?'
Female Robot: 'No, retired on his winnings. Hope it doesn't happen again.'
Male Robot: 'I expect one of your woggles worked loose. And talking about woggles, what's this about your sister?'
Female Robot: 'We don't talk about her. She's eloped with a petrol pump.'
Male Robot: 'That's the spirit. Not as bad as my brother, though. He fell in love with a robot with three eyes. We didn't have the heart to tell him it was a traffic light. Eventually she blew a fuse, and he did not know whether to stop or to go. Actually now we're alone, I've got a present for you.'
Female Robot: 'It's wonderful; what is it?'
Male Robot: 'I bought it at the geiger counter.'
Female Robot: 'But what is it?'
Male Robot: 'A geiger counter. It comes in useful if you go geiger hunting. They say it's made especially for girls. It's a girl geiger!'
Female Robot: 'Qh you're so wonderful, so magnetic.'
Male Robot: 'You're only saying that because you're attracted to me! Let's run away and get married.'
Female Robot: 'But I've had my heart broken before. Look, you can see where it's been soldered.'
Male Robot: 'But this time it will be different.'
Female Robot: 'How do you know?'
Male Robot: 'I can feel it in my transistors.'
So they were joined together in welded bliss and lived mechanically ever after.

This is a future story, but the past also and the present too. This is your story. This is the story of the ego, the mechanical robot-like thing that has overpowered you. You are not alive, or only so-so alive in a lukewarm way, because the ego does not allow you to be alive. It goes on pulling you towards the past. And remember, the past is growing bigger every day, because every moment that passes becomes the past. So the ego goes on becoming bigger and bigger and bigger.

The child has a smaller ego, the old man has a bigger ego, and that's the difference between a child and an old man. The child is closer to God, the old man is far away. And if he wants to be closer to God, the old man will have to become a child again. Why does Jesus say again and again 'Unless you are like a child, you will not enter into my kingdom of God.' Why? He is saying that unless you become alive again like a child, which has no past... A 'child' means one who has no past: an 'old man' means one who has nothing but the past. The more you become old, the more the past goes on becoming bigger and bigger and the future starts disappearing. The child has future, the old man has past; the child thinks of the future, the old man simply remembers his past, goes into the nostalgia of the past. He always remembers how things were in 'the good old days' and always goes on fantasising that his past was tremendously beautiful. It is more or less imagination, consolation.

As you become older you will be getting more and more burdened by the past and then, even before death happens, you are dead. Those who know say people die nearabout thirty, then they are buried nearabout seventy. For forty years they live a dead life. The hippies are right when they say 'Don't trust a man above thirty.' There is some truth in it, because the man who is above thirty is less and less alive. His investment is more in the dead past. He is no more a rebel, he is no more free, he is no more responding to the present. His spontaneity has gone; everything has become fixed. He has become very knowledgeable. He goes on repeating his knowledge, and he goes on behaving in the past old ways which are not in context at all, which are not relevant. But he goes on. And nothing works in his life, because nothing can work. Each moment life is new and you have to respond from your inner newness, you have to be available to the new, as the new. And you have to respond, not out of your knowledge, but out of your present awareness. Only then life works, otherwise life stops working. If your life is not working, remember, it is the ego that is hindering, the mechanical has encroached upon the organic. To be free from the mechanical is to be in God, because it is to be in the organic unity of existence.

What has to be done? You have to watch, you have to learn the ways of the ego. Walking on the road, watch how the ego comes in. Somebody insults you, watch– don't miss that opportunity– how the ego raises its head, how the ego swells up suddenly. Somebody praises you, see how you become like a balloon and you go on becoming bigger and bigger and bigger.

Just go on watching, in different situations, in different moments, what happens to your ego. And there is no hurry to conclude. It is a complicated matter, it is one of the greatest problems– the greatest in fact, because if it is solved, God is available immediately. That very moment you are in God and God is in you. So it is a serious problem, and you cannot be in a hurry. You have to go very slowly, very carefully, so that nothing is missed.

Just for a few months watch your ego, and you will be surprised. You will be surprised that the ego can control you only if you are not aware of it. The moment you become aware of a certain functioning of the ego, that function disappears. Just by sheer awareness that functioning disappears. Wherever you put your light of consciousness, ego disappears. Then you have got the real key. Now go on bringing more and more light to your ego functioning, and one day you will see it has disappeared from everywhere. You have not repressed it, so it cannot bubble up again. You have not been fighting with it, not at all, so you are not giving any energy to it. In fight you give energy.

You have not been sublimating it; you were not making a divine ego. You have not done anything with it, you were simply watching. Watching is not a doing. And the miracle is that by non-doing, the ego disappears. In fact, to say it disappears is not right. I have to use language, so many times I have to use incorrect expressions because they are prevalent and there is no other language. When I say it 'disappears', I mean it is not found. It was never there, it was invented. It was just our ignorance, it was just our unawareness that had allowed it to exist.

➜ This discourse is too long for 1 audio fragment.
➜ Here ends part 1. Go to Pearl 810 for part 2.