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Mohan Bharti, who has told you to believe in me? If you believe you will disbelieve too. Nobody can believe without disbelieving.

Let it be settled once for all: nobody can believe without disbelieving. Every belief is a cover-up for disbelief. Belief is only the circumference of the center called doubt; because the doubt is there you create belief. The doubt hurts, it is like a wound, it is painful. Because the doubt is a wound it hurts; it makes you feel your inner emptiness, your inner ignorance. You want to cover it up.

But hiding your wound behind a roseflower -- do you think it is going to help? Do you think the roseflower will be able to help the wound disappear? Just the contrary! Sooner or later the roseflower will start stinking of the wound. The wound will not disappear because of the roseflower; in fact the roseflower will disappear because of the wound. And you may be able to deceive somebody else who is looking from the outside -- your neighbors may think that there is no wound, but a roseflower -- but how can you deceive yourself? That is impossible. Nobody can deceive himself; deep down somewhere you will know, you are bound to know, that the wound exists and you are hiding it behind a roseflower.

And you know the roseflower is arbitrary: it has not grown in you, you have plucked it from the outside, while the wound has grown inside you; you have not plucked it from the outside. The child brings the doubt in him -- an inner doubt, that is natural. It is because of the doubt he inquires, it is because of the doubt he questions.

Go with a child for a morning walk in the woods, and he brings so many questions that you feel bored, that you want to tell him to shut up. But he goes on asking. From where are these questions coming? They are natural to the child. Doubt is an inner potential; it is the only way the child will be able to inquire and search and seek. Nothing is wrong about it.

Your priests have been telling you a lie, that there is something wrong about doubt. There is nothing wrong about it. It is natural, and it has to be accepted and respected. When you respect your doubt, it is no longer a wound; when you reject it, it becomes a wound. Let it be very clear: doubt itself is not a wound. It is a tremendous help, because it will make you an adventurer, explorer. It will take you to the farthest star in search of truth, it will make you a pilgrim.

It is not unhealthy to have doubt. Doubt is beautiful, doubt is innocent, doubt is natural. But the priests have condemned it down the ages. Because of their condemnation, the doubt which could have become a flowering of trust has become just a stinking wound. Condemn anything and it becomes a wound, reject anything and it becomes a wound.

My teaching is: the first thing to be done, Mohan Bharti, is not to try to believe. Why? If doubt is there, doubt is there! There is no need to hide it. In fact, allow it, help it, let it become a great quest. Let it become a thousand and one questions -- and ultimately you will see it is not the questions that are relevant, it is the question mark! Doubt is not a search for belief; doubt simply is groping for the mystery, making every effort to understand the un-understandable, to comprehend the incomprehensible -- a groping effort.

And if you go on searching, seeking, without stuffing yourself with borrowed beliefs, two things will happen. One: you will never have any disbelief. Remember, doubt and disbelief are not synonymous. Disbelief happens only when you have already believed, when you have already deceived yourself and others. Disbelief comes only when belief has entered in; it is a shadow of belief.

All believers are disbelievers -- they may be Hindus, they may be Christians, they may be Jainas. I know all of them: all believers are disbelievers, because belief brings disbelief, it is the shadow of belief. Can you believe without disbelieving? It is impossible; it cannot be done in the nature of things. If you want to disbelieve, the first requirement is to believe. Can you believe without any disbelief entering from the back door? Or can you disbelieve without having any belief in the first place?

Believe in God, and immediately the disbelief comes in. Believe in afterlife and disbelief arises. Disbelief is secondary, belief is primary.

And, Mohan Bharti, what you want to do is what millions of people in the world want to do: they don't want the disbelief, they want only the belief. I cannot help, nobody can help. If you only are interested in belief, you will have to suffer the disbelief also. You will remain divided, you will remain split, you will remain schizophrenic. You cannot have the feel of organic unity; you yourself have barred it from happening.

What's my suggestion? First, drop believing. Let beliefs be dropped, they are all rubbish! Trust in doubt, that's my suggestion; don't try to hide it. Trust in doubt. That is the first thing to bring in your being: trust in your doubt. And see the beauty of it, how beautifully trust has come in.

I am not saying believe, I am saying: trust. The doubt is a natural gift; it must be from God -- from where else can it be? You bring doubt with you: trust in it, trust in your questioning. And don't be in a hurry to stuff and hide it with borrowed beliefs from the outside -- from the parents, from the priests, from the politicians, from the society, the church. Your doubt is something beautiful because it is yours; it is something beautiful because it is authentic.

Out of this authentic doubt some day will grow the flower of authentic trust. It will be an inner growth, it will not be an imposition from the outside. That is the difference between belief and trust: trust grows inside you, in your interiority, in your subjectivity. Just as doubt is inner, so is trust. And only the inner can transform the inner. Belief is from the outside; it can't help because it can't reach to the innermost core of your being, and it is there that the doubt is.

From where to start? Trust your doubt. That's my way of bringing trust in. Don't believe in God, don't believe in the soul, don't believe in the afterlife. Trust in your doubt, and immediately a conversion has started. Trust is such a powerful force that even if you trust in your doubt you have brought light in. And doubt is like darkness. That small trust in doubt will start changing your inner world, the inner scene.

And question! Why be afraid? Why be so cowardly? Question -- question all the buddhas, question me, because if there is truth, truth is not afraid of your questioning. If buddhas are true, they are true; you need not believe in them. Go on doubting them... and still one day you will see trust has arisen.

When you doubt, and you go on in doubting to the very end, to the very logical end, sooner or later you will stumble upon a truth. Doubt is groping in darkness, but the door exists. If Buddha could get to the door, if Jesus could get to it, if Atisha could get to it, if I can get to it, why can't you?

Everybody is capable of getting to the door -- but you are afraid of groping, so you sit in your dark corner believing in somebody who has found the door. You have not seen that somebody, you have heard about him from others who have heard it from others, and so on, so forth. How do you believe in Jesus? Why? You have not seen Jesus! And even if you had seen him you would have missed. The day he was crucified, thousands had gathered to see him, and do you know what they were doing? They were spitting on his face! You may have been in that crowd, because that crowd was not different at all. Man has not changed.

Darwin says man has evolved out of the monkey. Maybe, but since then evolution seems to have stopped. It must have been an accident, some monkey must have fallen from the tree and could not get back. Maybe he was fractured or became afraid of falling again, so he started living on the earth. When you live in the trees you can live with all your four hands or four legs, but when you live on the earth you have to stand on two legs. Because the monkey was able to look all over the place from the trees... he had always lived that way, looking all over the place; there was no danger, he could see far away. Once he was on the ground, living on all fours was dangerous. He could not see all around, he could see only just two, three feet in front of himself, and he was afraid -- that was not his way of living. He had lived always in a kind of security in the trees, looking all over the place. Wherever the enemy was, he was aware; he could protect himself. Out of sheer fear he had to stand on two legs on the ground.

Just think of that hilarious situation: a monkey trying to stand on two legs! All the monkeys must have laughed uproariously, "Look at that fool, what he is trying to do!" Since then evolution seems to have stopped. Nothing has happened since then. Man has lived almost the same way, his mind has not changed. Yes, things have changed: we live in better houses with better plumbing... I am not talking about India! Some sannyasin has just asked me, "Bhagwan (Osho), You say life is beautiful. I could have believed you -- but two things, women and Indian plumbing, they don't allow me to believe in it." Women can be changed -- but Indian plumbing? No!

We have better roads and better vehicles to carry you from one place to another, great technology -- man has landed on the moon -- but man has not changed. That's why I say many of you must have been in the crowd that was spitting on Jesus, and many of you must have been in the crowd that was witnessing Mansoor's murder, who were throwing stones at the murdered mystic. You have not changed. How can you believe in Jesus? You were spitting on his face when he was alive, and now you believe in him, after two thousand years?

It is just a desperate effort to hide your doubt. Why do you believe in Jesus? If one thing can be dropped from the Jesus story, the whole of Christianity will disappear. If one thing, only one thing, the phenomenon of resurrection -- that after being crucified and remaining dead three days, Jesus came back again -- if this part can be dropped, the whole of Christianity will disappear. You believe in Jesus because you are afraid of death, and he seems to be the only man who has come back again, who has defeated death.

Christianity became the greatest religion in the world. Buddhism could not become that great, for the simple reason that the fear of death helps people to believe in Christ more than in Buddha. In fact to believe in Buddha needs guts, because Buddha says, "I teach you total death." This small death -- he is not satisfied with it. He says: This small death won't do, you will be coming back again. I teach you the total death, the ultimate death. Annihilation I teach, so that you will never come back again, so that you will disappear, you will be diffused in existence, you won't be any more, any longer; not even a trace will be left behind.

In India Buddhism disappeared, completely disappeared. Such a great, so-called religious country, and Buddhism completely disappeared. Why? People believe in religions which teach that you will live after death, that the soul is immortal. Buddha was saying that the only thing worth realizing is that you are not. Buddhism could not survive in India, because it didn't give you a cover-up for your fear. Buddha did not say to people, "Believe in me." Hence his teaching disappeared from this country, because people want to believe. People don't want truth, they want belief. Belief is cheap. Truth is dangerous, arduous, difficult; one has to pay for it. One has to seek and search, and there is no guarantee that you will find it, there is no guarantee that there is any truth anywhere. It may not be at all; the goal may not exist.

People want belief, and Buddha said... his last message to the world was "appo dipo bhava; be a light unto yourself." He had said this because his disciples were crying. Ten thousand sannyasins surrounding him... of course they were sad, and tears were falling; their master was leaving. And Buddha said to them, "Don't cry. Why are you crying?" One of the disciples, Ananda, said, "Because you are leaving us, because you were our only hope, because we had hoped and hoped long that it is through you we will attain to truth." It was to answer Ananda that Buddha said, "Don't be worried about that. I cannot give you truth; nobody else can give it to you, it is not transferable. But you can attain it on your own. Be a light unto yourself."

Mohan Bharti, the same is my attitude. You need not believe in me. I don't want believers here, I want seekers, and the seeker is a totally different phenomenon. The believer is not a seeker. The believer does not want to seek, that's why he believes. The believer wants to avoid seeking, that's why he believes. The believer wants to be delivered, saved, he needs a savior. He is always in search of a messiah -- somebody who can eat for him, chew for him, digest for him. But if I eat, your hunger is not going to be satisfied.

Nobody can save you except yourself. I need seekers here, inquirers, not believers. Believers are the most mediocre people in the world, the least intelligent people in the world. So forget about belief, you are creating trouble for yourself. You start believing in me, then disbelief arises -- it is bound to arise, because I am not here to fit with your expectations.

Mohan Bharti comes from a Jaina family. It took great courage for him to become a sannyasin of mine. But the traditional mind is there; you cannot so easily get rid of it. So very deep down in the unconscious there are lurking expectations of how I should be. Then disbelief is bound to arise.

I live in my own way, I don't consider you. I don't consider anybody at all -- because if you start considering others you can't live your life authentically. Consider and you will become phony. I know if I can live in a grass hut, thousands and thousands of Indians will come to worship me. If I can live naked, millions will think of me as a saint, a great saint. If I can eat only once a day, and that too by begging, the whole country will be happy with me. But I can't do these things, they are not natural to me.

It may have been natural for Mahavira to be naked; hence he was naked. And remember, people were not happy, because the people who were surrounding Mahavira had believed in Krishna and Rama, and they were not naked. So they were expecting Mahavira to behave like Krishna; they were expecting a flute, and he had none. They must have searched -- in fact there was nowhere to search, he was standing naked! He was not fulfilling their expectations. Where is the crown of peacock feathers?

They had known Krishna; he was a totally different individual, a totally different expression of existence. Very colorful he was, a rainbow, with peacock feathers as a crown, with beautiful flowers as garlands, the dress, the garments made of the best silk possible. And he had ornaments on his body, diamonds, gold, ornaments like women. In those days, men used to have ornaments. That seems to be more natural, because in nature the male animal is more ornamental than the female. The male peacock has those beautiful feathers, the female peacock has no beautiful feathers at all. It is enough for her to be the female; that is enough. The male has to substitute something because he is not female: he has to look beautiful, he has to be ornamental. The male peacock dances, remember, not the female. That dance is a substitute. He wants to look as beautiful as possible -- he is afraid he may not be chosen! It is the male cuckoo that gives the call; that beautiful sound, that song, comes from the male cuckoo. The female simply sits, waits; just to be female is enough. Look in nature and you will be surprised: female animals are not ornamental at all.

In the ancient days it was so with men too. The female is beautiful as she is, nature has made her beautiful. So in those days of Krishna, five thousand years back, the male used to have beautiful garments, flowers, ornaments, and Hindus were accustomed to that idea. And then came Mahavira, standing naked, with no ornaments, no garments, nothing to beautify his body, just utterly naked. Not only that, he used to pull out his own hair. He must have looked a little crazy. Only crazy people pull out their hair; when madness possesses you, you pull out your hair.

He was pulling it for a certain different reason -- because hair gives a certain beauty. And the people who don't have hair, the bald people like me, have to create beautiful theories! They say that bald people are the most sexual. The whole theory is that people go bald in three ways. A few people start from the front: they are the most sexual. A few people start from the back: they are not sexual, they only think they are sexual. And a few people start in the middle: it is better not to say anything about them! Hair gives beauty. Bald people must feel something has to be substituted, and they have created the rumor all over the world that bald people are very sexual.

Krishna and Rama were very aesthetic people, and Mahavira was totally different, very austere. But that was natural to him; he was beautiful in his nakedness, as beautiful as Krishna was with all his garments and ornaments. In fact, ancient scriptures say that Mahavira may have been the most beautiful man in the world. That may have been one of the reasons why he went naked. If you have a well-proportioned body, if your body is really beautiful, who cares about clothes? Ugly people are very much worried about clothes, because that's how somehow they manage. Now, a woman who has an ugly body will not be ready to go naked on the beach. She will be very much against beaches; she will be very much against going naked, nude people and nudist camps. The only thing she is really against is that she knows that if she goes naked it will be a really horrible scene!

Whenever a country becomes beautiful, people start becoming nude. Whenever it has happened that a race has become beautiful, people start going nude. There is no need to hide. We hide only the ugly part. But clothes are helpful to people who don't have beautiful bodies. You may not have a beautiful chest, manly chest, but you can wear stuffed coats and they can give a feel -- at least to the outsiders.

A man was searching on a nude beach... he was searching for his wife. A policeman was looking at him. He became suspicious and asked him, "What are you searching for? And for hours you have been searching... searching for some hidden treasure?" He said, "No, just a sunken chest."

You can have stuffed clothes which can give a shape to your body. Mahavira must have been beautiful -- that's my feeling too -- must have been a rare, beautiful man. But it was not expected, hence people were against him. No village, no town, was hospitable to him. He was driven away from villages and towns, stones were thrown at him, wild dogs were released behind him so that they could chase him out of the town -- just because he was nude!

He was not doing any harm to anybody; the most harmless person you can think of, he would not even do harm to the ants. In the night he used to sleep only on one side. He would not change from one side to the other, because who knows, an ant may have crawled behind him in the night and if he turns over the ant may be killed. He would not walk in the night, because some insect may be killed. He would not walk on grass, on lawns; he would not walk in the rainy season, because so many insects are born in the rainy season. Such a harmless man, but yet people misbehaved with him. And the only reason? -- he was not fulfilling their expectations.

No buddha has ever fulfilled anybody's expectations. In fact that's why he becomes a buddha: he never compromises.

Mohan Bharti, if you have any expectations about me you will again and again be in trouble, because I don't consider your expectations. George Gurdjieff used to say to his disciples one of the most fundamental things: "Don't consider others, otherwise you will never grow." And that's what is happening in the whole world, everybody is considering others: "What will my mother think? What will my father think? What will the society think? What will my wife, my husband...?" What to say of the parents -- even parents are afraid of children! They think, "What will our children think?"

One man came to me and he said, "Since I have become a sannyasin, my children think that I have gone crazy, they laugh at me. Nothing hurts me more than this, that my own children... they look at me from the window, they don't come inside the room! They whisper to each other -- I don't know what, but they talk about me. They think something has gone wrong."

People are considering each other -- and then there are millions of people to consider. If you go on considering each and everybody, you will never be an individual, you will be just a hodgepodge. So many compromises made, you would have committed suicide long ago. It is said people die at the age of thirty and are buried at the age of seventy. Death happens very early -- I think thirty is also not right, death happens even earlier. Somewhere near twenty-one, when the law and the state recognize you as a citizen, that is the moment when a person dies. In fact, that's why they recognize you as a citizen: now you are no more dangerous, now you are no more wild, now you are no more raw. Now everything has been put right in you, fixed right in you; now you have been adjusted to the society. That's what it means when the nation gives you the right to vote: the nation can trust now that your intelligence has been destroyed -- you can vote. There is no fear about you; you are a citizen, you are a civilized man. You are no more a man then, you are a citizen.

My own observation is, people die nearabout twenty-one. Then whatsoever is, is a posthumous existence. On the graves we should start writing three dates: birth, death, and posthumous death.

Mohan Bharti, first you believe in me -- that's where you go wrong, don't believe in me -- and then you disbelieve. Then you get caught up in the conflict, and the problem arises, What to do? How to get out of this duality? You create the duality and then you want to get out of it. I will not tell you how to get out of it, I will tell you how not to get into it. Why in the first place should you get into it?

They define a witty person as one who knows how to get out of difficulties, and the wise one as one who knows how never to get into them. Be wise. Why not cut the very root? Don't believe in me, be a fellow traveler with me. That's what my sannyasins are: they are not believers, they are fellow travelers. They are walking with me into the unknown; they are walking with their own feet, on their own. I don't carry you on my shoulders, I don't want you to be cripples your whole life; I don't give you any crutches, you have to walk on your own.

Yes, I know the way, I have walked on it, I know all the pitfalls on the way. I will go on shouting loudly at you, "Beware, there is a pitfall!" But still it is up to you to decide whether to fall into it or not. If you fall into it I don't condemn you, I respect your freedom. If you don't fall into it I don't reward you, I take it for granted this is how an intelligent person behaves. So there is no reward with me and no punishment with me, there is no hell and no heaven, there is no sin, no virtue.

This is my joy -- to share. If it is your joy to share it with me, good; we can go along as far as you decide to come along with me. The moment you want to have a separate way, it's perfectly good, we will depart with a goodbye. There is no need to believe in me, there is no need to cling onto me. And then there is no question of disbelief, and the duality never arises, and you need not find a way to get out of it.

Please don't get into it.